The Waiting Season: When Is It going To Be ‘MY TURN’
When is going to be MY TURN…MY GRADUATION…MY FIRST HOME OR MY FIRST APARTMENT…MY NEW CAR…MY GRAND OPENING…MY NEW BUSINESS…MY SUCCESSFUL CAREER…MY SEASON OF REAPING MY HARVEST…MY SEASON OF ANSWERED PRAYERS…MY DREAM BODY…MY SEASON OF NOT HAVING TO ROB PETER TO PAY PAUL…MY SALARY INCREASE…MY OWN BOYFRIEND…MY MAN, MY MAN, MY MAN…MY PARTNER…MY ENGAGEMENT…MY PROPOSAL…MY WEDDING…MY HUSBAND…MY HAPPINESS…MY BABY…HELL, AND FOR ALL OF US - IN THE MOST UNWELCOMING WAY… MY DEATH.
Hi, I AM Ashley + chances are you stumbled upon this read because Pinterest led you here, Instagram led you here, Google led you here, or maybe because you genuinely support + love what I write about + so you are here for your daily emotional fix. Because it would be surprising to me if you are here because of word of mouf + that isn’t me necessarily saying that I’m not what my tagline says, “On Your Mind or In Your Mouth,” it is really just me accepting the whole idea of people privately supporting me more than they publicly support those people who will never know they exist. But nonetheless, you are here + if you’ve been experiencing life anything like I have been experiencing life, then you’ve been spending every other day — sitting around + asking yourself + God (or your higher power), ‘When Is It Going To Be MY TURN?” The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
I wanted to wake up this morning + cry sad tears because of all the places I wasn’t YET. As the morning went on, + I browsed through social media — hate it there sometimes + I scrolled through the futuristic parts of Pinterest — sometimes it’s too ambitious — I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up, because doing so just felt easier to do. As I sat in silence, listening to the cars drive past the window of my living room apartment, I heard God say, “just a little longer, you’re almost there.” I responded in the same manner any child would respond to their parent by saying, “why do I have to wait until tomorrow, for what you can do right now + today?” This is a POV of My Conversation with God! The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
““Tomorrow… Tomorrow… Tomorrow... Why you keep telling me tomorrow. Why you just can’t say, you can go right now? How bout that? Why you just can’t say that?”
As a Black, single woman , I have often found myself wondering when it will be MY TURN. When will I find love? When will I get the promotion I have worked so hard for? Have I even worked hard for it? Why do I have to work hard for it? When will all my dreams become a reality? Will I be prepared to nurture them all when they do? When will I have children? Will I be too old then? Do I even have healthy eggs to birth a healthy full term baby? What does happiness look like for me? These questions can consume our minds, especially when it seems like everyone around us is moving forward while we are just waiting.The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
The waiting season is not easy, but what I am learning in my singleness is that it can also be a time of growth + genuine self-discovery — A time that many women can’t say they had a chance to relish in. Here are five things that single women can do in the waiting season:
1. Lean on God - In times of waiting, it is important to turn to your faith. They say, faith as small as a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20-21). Pray, meditate, + seek out spiritual guidance. Use this time to strengthen your relationship with God + trust that He has a plan for your life. Ashley’s Life Hack: The goal here isn’t to wait in vain. The goal is to truly believe + trust God to do what it is he promised he would do on HIS time + not on our time. I have found that journaling creates a safe space for me to pray, meditate, + seek spiritual counsel. It is in those moments of complete silence where I hear God the loudest. The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
In the words of Ashley D. Murphy…
“The life we choose to live is based on a script that we continuously choose to write ourselves.”
2. Pursue your passions - Take this time to focus on the things that bring you joy. Whether it's writing, painting, or dancing, pursue your passions + find purpose in them. This will not only help you grow as a person but can also attract like-minded people into your life. Last week in therapy, my therapist reminded me to “surround myself with people who I am aligned with.” She went on to say, “make sure the people you surround yourself with are capable of encouraging what it is that you do well.” Ashley’s Life Hack: In therapy sessions with clients — with both individuals + couples, the question that always seem to come up is “Who Am I?” It seems as though much of who were are + much of who we become lies in the things we are most passionate about. When our passions drive the direction in life we choose to take, will happiness meet us at our destination? How will we know? + if I am being even more honest, if happiness isn’t our goal in life then what is? Whatever makes your soul burn… Whatever you would be willing to do for free because it simply brings you joy, then find passion + refuge in that + spend time nurturing that part of you. The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
“You can’t share your vision with everyone!”
- DR. TEQUILA HILL
3. Build your support system - Surround yourself with people who uplift + encourage you. Connect with other single women who are on a similar journey as you. Better yet, make healthy connections with people who are empathetic to your experience. It isn’t to say that those folks in relationships + marriages aren’t great connections for support, it’s just to say that you can still be yourself with no regards to the status of relationship to those living a life different from yours. Having a strong support system can make the waiting season more bearable. Ashley’s Life Hack: What has helped me in this season of singleness, especially lately, is knowing that I am on this journey with one of my best friends. Her prayer has been that we get to experience the joys of dating, + relationships, + marriage, + everything else our hearts desire, while also sharing those more honest + frustrating moments together of The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘OUR TURN.’ Not just that, making connections is important to me + because I value me, I don’t make intentional connections just for the sake of having people around me. The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
My goal is to continue building a foundational ecosystem.
4. Practice self-care - Take care of yourself both physically + mentally. Do things that make you feel good, such as getting a massage or going on a solo vacation. Also, practice self-compassion by speaking kindly to yourself + letting go of negative self-talk. Ashley’s Life Hack: I realize how just how trendy self-care…self-care…self-care has become. The truth of the matter is that it looks very different for each of us. For the mother, self-care may be the ability to sit on the toilet or to soak in a warm bathtub without any interruptions. For the person always available for everyone else, self-care may be putting your phone on DND + being okay with setting boundaries + saying “no.” For the person always on the move, self-care may be giving yourself permission to slow down. For the father, self-care maybe sitting in the car for a moment before actually walking inside of the house. Self-care doesn’t always require that you spend money, or go on fancy travel excursions. Self-care simply is doing what the words say, caring for yourself in a way that honors who you are + who you are becoming as a human being — doing superhero things. The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
+Be kind to yourself.
+Give yourself full grace.
+Silence the noise around you.
+Grant yourself permission to change.
+Genuinely practice Self-Love + Compassion.
5. Work on personal growth - Use this time to work on yourself. Read self-help books, go to therapy, or take a personal growth course. The waiting season can be an opportunity for self-improvement + to become the best version of yourself. Ashley’s Life Hack: The Waiting Season: In a world where everyone is so hyper-focused on being their most authentic selves, I challenge you to truly use this time to spend time with you. There will be days where loneliness is so loud, you can barely take it, + there will also be days when your solitude brings you more joy than being surrounded by others could ever bring. Discover what works best for you. It always amazes me when I see someone who was once marry glow in a way that I never saw before. When done correctly + for reasons that best serve them + their ex-marriage, the glow screams freedom + liberation — every time. When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
In the words of Nikki Giovanni…
“Deal with yourself as a individual worthy of respect, + make everyone else deal with you the same way.”
Remember, the waiting season may feel lonely, but you are not alone. Trust that your time will come, + use this season to lean on + strengthen your relationship with God, pursue your passions, build your support system, practice self-care, + work on your personal growth. When I quit my career to start a new one + when I moved across the country to a foreign place, for the sake of a love I never got to experience, what I gained in this year alone is more courage + tenacity than I ever would have gained should I have remained to afraid to jump off that cliff + truly trust + believe to debunk my own inhibitions, which have made me the fearless + vulnerably strong woman I am today. OUR TURNS ARE COMING SIS. Your turn is coming, stay strong sis. The Waiting Season: When Is It Going To Be ‘MY TURN’
#withallmyloveashmurph
