the Journey to Self-Love
I’ve learned to accept this version of myself!
As a single black woman, I am excited to share my journey to self-love + to provide 5 tips for other women to begin their own self-love journey. It’s always funny to me when I hear women boast + brag about their self-care + self-love journey. Though motivating + empowering to some, it’s almost unbelievable to others because those of us who have truly done the work, understand the challenges that come from discovering our true selves + becoming our most authentic selves (FRFR). There are more days spent alone + crying, than there are at the spa, or getting manicures, traveling, + sipping champagne with your friends. Though we each practice differently, I can only speak from my own experience, which has helped me get to where + to who I am today. The Journey to Self-Love!
For years, I struggled with depression + a lack of self-love. The way that I define my experience with depresseion is that the things that once brought me pleasure, joy, + excitement, were no longer appeasing to me. Sadness consumed me on most days, but I masked it so well, because I never wanted to present as someone who wasn’t truly happy. So, I smiled on most days, + functioned so well that I didn’t even believe that I was experiencing those feelings + emotions. It actually wasn’t until I was laying down as my medium (the practice of purportedly mediating communication between familiar spirits or spirits of the dead + living human beings) was adjusting my chakras where she called me out on it. I remember her saying, “Ashley, You’re depressed.” At first I was a bit pissed + defensive because how could I ever be depressed — but I also knew that her statement wasn’t to attack me, but to assist me in navigating through my feelings in a very spiritually driven way. Since she was familiar with me as a human being who only wanted the best for me, I did what I needed to do in order to heal. The Journey to Self-Love!
As much as I never wanted to admit aloud, I constantly sought validation from others + never wanted anyone to have a bad taste of my name in their mouths. Unfortunately, whether good or bad, people will always have some thing to say about you — which is what I accepted the more + more I spent time with me. You can’t please everyone, therefore I stopped trying! The Journey to Self-Love!
There were moments where I felt like I wasn't good enough. I felt ugly. I felt fat. I felt disgusting. I even had moments when I didn’t want to exist — I just wasn’t as strong as all the others to take my own life because I cared about the people I would’ve left behind. Constantly comparing where I was to where I assumed other people were — not knowing the process it took or didn’t take for them to get where they presented to be — I self-sabbatoged. Between drinking + sex, nothing else helped me cope better! Until I was re-introduced to the one being who never left my side, no matter how many times I doubted + felt uncertain about him —GOD DID! The Journey to Self-Love!
On my self-love journey, I felt solitude in spending time with God — Truly spending time with God. Seeking his voice + his instruction in moments where I wasn’t getting the clarity I needed from people. My inner child wanted a parent who was present + attentive to her feelings. My inner child didn’t want to be told what to do or even told to be strong or that “you got this.” Well, duhhh… because if I didn’t have it or if I didn’t think I could do some thing, then I would just give up — for that matter, I would have just given up. So, I hate it — even to this day — when people offer advice or suggestions that I didn’t ask for — especially when they don’t have solutions to fixing whatever I am going through. What they may see as encouraging + motivating is always translated into a bunch of shit I already have sat with, that I didn’t need a reminder about. The Journey to Self-Love!
The more time I spent with God, the more I realized that true happiness + fulfillment comes from within. The more time I spend with God, the more I accept the fact that self-love is a journey meant to be taken alone — whatever aloneness means to you. The Journey to Self-Love!
Again, speaking from my own experience, there are 5 things that assisted me with my own self-love journey + I pray that they help you to become your most authentic self!!! The Journey to Self-Love!
I AM UNIQUE.
1. Embrace your uniqueness: One of the most important things you can do is embrace your unique qualities + celebrate what makes you special. It’s easy for people to say to you, “Don't compare yourself to others or try to fit into someone else's mold,” but the reality is with social media + all the other forms of other people’s lives constantly being thrown in your face, it can become a bit overwhelming to think that you shouldn’t also be where they are, if not better off or further than they are. Ashley’s Life Hack: Put your blinders on + take things day by day — give yourself grace + truly only focus on what is either on your plate or on what is in front of you. It will be challenging at first, but once you put your wants, your prayers, + your desires first — the rest of the world’s opinions + lives will become more quiet. The Journey to Self-Love!
I AM COURAGEOUS.
2. Focus on your strengths: Instead of dwelling on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths + focus on what you bring to the table. Recognize your accomplishments + celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Ashley’s Life Hack: On a sheet of paper, write down 10 affirming statements that you believe to be true about yourself. Literally write, “I AM” + then fill in the blank with just one word adjectives. Go through your list + mark which affirmation you believe the most with a green marker + which one you believe the absolute least with a red marker. From there, go through each affirmation + further describe + explain why you wrote down what you wrote down. If you’d like me to analyze your list, email me at ashley@murphyslawandco.com | The Journey to Self-Love!
I AM WORTHY.
3. Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential to self-love. This means eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, + taking time for relaxation + self-reflection. Self-reflection is a form of self-care that I cherish above all others + journaling was + still is the best way for me to practice caring for myself. Journaling allows me to explore the depths of my soul that I do not trust to share with other. Oftentimes, prayers + conversations between God + I, writing out my emotions + feelings helps me deal with them more effectively. Ashley’s Life Hack: Although, I am an avid journaler, find a routine that works best for you but the most important thing is that your self-care practice is one yo choose + decide on for you. If you should decide to journal, The Grit + Virtue Journals, along with Fringe Spiral Journals are my favorites! As far as pens go, I write with 1.0, all Black Pilot Gel Pens for a smooth, velvety writing experience. The Journey to Self-Love!
I AM OUTSPOKEN.
4. Learn to say “NO”: Setting boundaries + learning to say "no" is key to self-love. Don't sacrifice your own needs + well-being for the sake of others. Boundaries is that one word that so many people seem so afraid of, mostly because they feel as though they are depriving others from not showing up for other people how they once did before. Being a yes woman, is exhausting + it can be emotionally depleting — especially when you are pouring from a cup that is no longer full. Once I learned how to say “NO,” it became more of a challenge to say yes, again. Ashley’s Life Hack: Stand in front of your favorite mirror + say “NO” until you believe that which you are saying aloud. Watch how people you always once said yes to begin to act the first time you say “NO”… it’ll be like you never said yes before! The Journey to Self-Love!
I AM VULNERABLE.
5. Surround yourself with positivity: Surround yourself with positive people, messages, + experiences. Seek out supportive friends + family, read uplifting books + articles, + listen to motivational podcasts. One of these days, I am going to share my favorite books, + motivational podcasts + tools. Understanding that you are in control of your life may seem a bit dynamic, but once you begin to believe it, then will you begin to talk with your head held high + in your most authentic light as your most authentic self. It helps to have people around you who accept who you currently are. People who do not fault you for who you used to be. People who will uplift you when you need it, while also checking your spirit when you need that too. Ashley’s Life Hack: Get rid of the dead weight. Leave whatever relationships + friendships that do not mesh well with where you are in you present life. We often hold on to people because we’ve known the forever, but those same people may be the ones holding us back from being our true selves — so let them go + if it’s meant to be, then it will be!!! The Journey to Self-Love!
Through my own journey to self-love, I have learned to appreciate my own worth + my own value. I hope that these tips inspire other women to begin their own journey to self-love + self-acceptance. Remember, you are worthy + deserving of love, both from yourself + from others. The Journey to Self-Love!
#withallmyloveashmurph
