Sex Therapy Chose Me!
I lose my virginity the evening before I turned 16, which means that I was 15. I was going to save the in depth version for my book but wanted to simply introduce the idea of how common it is for girls to desire sex around that age. Not everyones virginity story is as amazing as mine was — and that I know for certain. I loved him + still love him. I remember it so vividly. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
As a child, growing up in the 1990’s and 2000’s was a time. There were a number of different things going on around that time and well, when it came to sex, you were curious about a lot of things. Puberty hit. You were learning about the different changes your body was going through. You were seeing who was and who wasn’t a safe space for you. And just like with almost every Black household I know — “what happens in this household, stays in this household.” Again, I'd like to leave the good in depth parts for the book that I’ll write one day, but I will say that Growing Up Christian had it’s traumatic mannerisms, especially when it came to the conversation or the lack thereof conversation within the household. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
When I was an adolescent, I remember going to the swap meet with my grandmother. I remember being on my period + wearing a pad, + this random man came up to me + grabbed my ass. I remember it so vividly because I remember feeling like I was wearing a diaper. She normally always is very boisterous and vibrant with her words, but in that instance, she didn’t defend me. She didn’t stand up for me. She didn’t protect me. She didn’t do anything + I never said or told anyone. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
There’d be other instances where sex happened to me, but I didn’t know it was happening to me. Around that same time, I remember so vividly the moments where my hands + fingers were — forcibly introduced to another girl’s vagina. I use forcibly, lightly because I knew not what I was being instructed to do. She was older than me + I considered her family. I never said anything + I never told anyone. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
Now, I know I am not alone in the whole “playing house” phenomenon. LOL. Looking back, I can laugh because what in the entire F*<k. LOL. Anywho, I played house plenty of times + got caught + instead of being educated on the pros + cons of my actions, I was always reprimanded which resulted in me eventually correlating sex with getting my ass whooped🤷🏾♀️. I wasn’t having sex ever during my adolescent years, but I was humping. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
Now, if I am being honest, the only advice that I was ever truly given was to “be my best at what I do,” and I’ll have you know I have excelled and exceeded that 10x fold. LOL. There are plenty of stories in between from the very first moment I lost my virginity up until my 20’s and even after that, in my 30’s, but I am reminded today of all the instances where I could have screamed SEXUAL ASSUALT and didn’t. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
When I was in my 20’s — A QUE who shall remain nameless attempted to rape me; When I was in my 20’s — A MAN I’ve known all my life + who I had sexual relations in the past, who I’d always say “yes” to — DID rape me (The one time I said, “no” was like I never said “yes”; When I was in my 20’s — I went on a trip with a guy and we both were drinking — I got drunk + blacked out + listened to him tell me the story of how he had sex with my body. I never said anything + never told anyone the full truth. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
From adolescence to now — at 33, I look back at every sexual experience I had + I vividly replay each experience in my head. As I prepare to write this book, I can’t help but to shed light on THE IMPORTANCE OF SEXUAL EDUCATION.
I AM A SEX THERAPIST because I needed to become who I needed when I was younger!!! Today, in my session, I sat across from a wife who was raised as a Christian. In many ways her Christian upbringing reminded me of my own, and instantly I was inspired to write. Like many young girls who grow up how we grew up, being told that mostly all things sex related that wasn’t done with your husband was an impurity and a sin — fear, guilt, shame, worry, and disgust consumed the space of what could have provided room for wisdom, truth, honesty, free will to choose, and maybe even love without fear. She wanted to remain pure! She shared with me the guilt, shame, + disgust she felt as a now married woman who waited until marriage to have sex with her husband — only to now experience VAGINISMUS (pain from penetration during sex). Sex Therapy Chose Me!
She said she felt like a FAILURE!!! And that is what broke my heart. Fortunately enough for her, she has an amazing partner for a husband who is willing to do the work to be emotionally available and understanding of her. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
I can write a book about the stories I’ve heard (Oh Sh!t, I AM!), yet each + every waking day — I stand firm in knowing that what I’ve been called to do ain’t for the weak at heart! Don’t pity me😊 — I’m good!!! I have spent decades healing and spending time with rebuilding myself. I know what hurt, pain, isolation, rejection, and denial feel like. In fact, we know one another on a first name basis. Sex Therapy Chose Me!
It’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month+ there’s STILL WORK TO DO + I devote MY SOUL TO THIS CAUSE!!!🖤🫶🏾
Sex Therapy Chose Me!
#withallmyloveashley
