Don’t Ask me Out, I’m Not Going

As a single black woman who has had both good + not-so-good experiences with dating, I've learned that establishing boundaries is crucial when it comes to online dating — hell, dating in general. While dating apps like Plenty of Fish, Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder can be effective ways to meet people, they can also be overwhelming + exhausting. It’s funny looking back almost a decade ago when online dating was almost frowned upon. I remember that I would meet guys who followed me on social media apps like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and when my friends would ask how I met said guy, I’d always say, that whoever our mutual friend was introduced us. LOL. That was a lie. However, having one or more mutual friends did make it easier to actually go out with the guys I would meet. Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going

Most of the guys I am friends with, I have met online through some type of social media app or website and others, well — I have just known them through school, sports, work, or simple association amongst our mutual = shared friend groups. I appreciate how now adays the stigma to meeting people online has diminished. + I am always so excited when I have a couple sitting on my soulfa who share with me that they met online — through a dating app. Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going

Though I am slowly getting back into the dating realm, there are some experiences I have had that have been better than other experiences. In fact, over the years, I have managed to create a list of boundaries that I set when it comes to dating — in general. I promised myself that I would practice — dating intentionally. I want a partnership I want commitment. I want to grow to know + learn someone. + the list goes on + on. I have discovered that there will be differences but when dating intentionally, I am making sure that my boundaries are set + respected + that I am not failing to enforce them because the potential of a man seems like it’s enough. Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going

So with that being said, here are some of the boundaries that I believe all women who date online should have:

1. Do not be so quick to give out your personal information. It's important to take things slowly when you’re starting a conversation with someone you've met online or on a dating app. Avoid giving out your phone number, email address, or other personal information until you've had a chance to get to know the person a little better. There are instances where you really just hit it off with someone + then numbers are exchanged. Things get weird for me the moment any man asks me to send him pictures — + I am not even talking about nudes, I am talking about a picture. Forrrrr What bruh? Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going

2. Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Don't be afraid to trust your instincts + end a conversation or date if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going

3. Don't compromise on your values. It can be tempting to overlook red flags or make excuses for someone's behavior when you're looking for a relationship. However, it's important to stay true to your values + not settle for someone who doesn't respect them. Ashley’s Life Hacks: It’s always interesting hearing women talk about settling. What does that mean exactly? What are they referring to? What does settling feel like? How much of them settling has to do with them? These are all questions I pose when I hear women say this. The truth of the matter is that it is important to have boundaries, + even more necessary to know what your non-negotiable are. Sometimes women can want to be in a relationship so badly, that they alter their “list” for the sake of the POTENTIAL a partner shows. Settling and compromising are two different things + I will discuss the difference in another blog post. But for now, do not dismiss the red flags + refrain from making excuses just to justify someone else’s behavior.Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going

4. Take breaks when you need to. Online dating can be exhausting, so it's important to take breaks when you need to. Don't feel like you have to be constantly chatting with someone or going on dates. It's okay to take a break + focus on yourself for a while. Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going

5. Set clear boundaries with your matches. Let people know what you're looking for + what your expectations are. If someone isn't respecting your boundaries, it's okay to block or report them. Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going

Online dating can be a great way to meet new people, but it's important to have boundaries + take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to say no or take a break if you need to. Remember, you're in control of your own dating journey. Don’t Ask Me Out, I’m Not Going