Defining Your Desires — Intentional Dating
As a dating woman, there have been many instances where I have asked myself the question, “what is it that I actually want when it comes to dating?” Sure all the superficial things come to mind such as “I want someone with a career and benefits, who is financially responsible, handsome, tall, muscular, healthy, and in shape, and the list goes on. It is easy to journey through life - going through the motions of not really knowing what you want. This is especially true when it comes to relationships and dating. It is always interesting finding out just how many folx get into dating relationships without really knowing what they desire in a partner. Defining Your Desires!
When it comes to dating or even talking to someone, it is crucial to be very intentional because in doing so, you are conscious and deliberate about your approach to finding a partner that aligns with your morals, your values, your goals, and your belief. Intentional dating requires that you are mindful of your own desires and wants, and that you take the necessary steps to attract the right person into your life. Defining Your Desires!
Desires and wants are two important aspects of intentional dating. Defining Your Desires!
DESIRES are the things you long for in a partner. Defining Your Desires!
WANTS are the things you need in a relationship to feel fulfilled and happy. Defining Your Desires!
Both desires and wants play a major role in helping you find the right partner. Defining Your Desires!
Here are some ways to assist you in navigating your desires and wants into intentional dating:
BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR DESIRES
In your singleness, spend time reflecting on what you desire in a partner. Ask yourself what qualities do you find attractive in a partner and what values are important to you? Even go as deep as defining what your non-negotiables are. Whatever you do, be very clear about your desires so that you meet a partner who aligns with your life’s purpose and with your vision. Defining Your Desires!
BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR WANTS
Who wants to waste time? Who wants to spend unnecessary time trying to read the other persons mind? Ain’t nobody got time off-that! Speak up and use your words. Let your intentions be known from the very beginning and relinquish the need to always feel as though you have to accept the ways in which the other person feels. You are not responsible for the behaviors, the actions, the emotions, the thoughts, or the feelings of another human being. Defining Your Desires!
AVOID THE COMPARISON TRAP
The beautiful thing about dating is the realization that we all have very different upbringings and life experiences. In other words, we each are on our own unique journey — navigating through life at our own pace. Instead of spending so much time and energy self-sabotaging and comparing yourself or your relationship to others, shift your mind to focus on your own values, goals, and desires, and be open to communicating those things to and with your partner. This is the perfect time to discuss your expectations and boundaries. Defining Your Desires!
The name of the game is self-care. Dating should be fun, yet we —as a society have put so much unecessary pressure on dating that we have sucked all of the fun out of it — and not in the way that may feel good causing ones eyes to roll back. LOL.
When dating intentionally, remember to reflect on your own needs and your own feelings. Trust yourself and definitely trust your instincts. If something about the relationship, or the person, hell or about your own self, doesn’t feel right, then do not be afraid to speak up and make the necessary changes. Defining Your Desires!
